11th Sunday After Pentecost (Year A)
Growing up I had an irrational fear of boating. It may be borderline blasphemy to say that in the “Land of 10,000 Lakes” but for as long as I could remember the idea of not having my feet on solid ground really freaked me out. I’ve never been a strong swimmer, and even with a life jacket on I was terrified by the idea of not being able to get back to shore if something happened.
My fear was pretty intense and it did have an impact. For example, I remember the summer my family and some friends went to stay at a lake in South Dakota. Everyone was so excited to go boating and they spent a lot of time on the water, but after I had a panic attack a family friend stayed at the cabin with me while the others boated. She was nice about it, but I knew she was disappointed not to be out on the boat with her kids. I can also remember sitting on the dock alone at summer camp each year as I watched all the other kids laughing and having fun in canoes.
As I sat on the dock held back by my fear, I remember feeling ashamed and filled with self-doubt. Why couldn’t I just be brave and face my fear? I wonder if Peter may have felt a little like that too. He wanted to be brave and full of faith, and he tried to be, but as he stepped out of the boat he quickly began to doubt himself. I can hear him saying to himself, Who do I think I am? Who am I to think I can walk on water? And as the self-doubt and shame filled him, he began to sink. Jesus reaches out to Peter and pulls him up, and gently he says, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Now Jesus does not say this to scold or shame Peter, but rather he is saying, Don’t let your fear hold you back, for I am here with you.
Well, my fear of boats held me back from the water for many years, until one summer day as a senior in high school. I was babysitting my niece and nephew for the day and decided to take them to a nearby state park. My plans for the day was a picnic and some ice cream, but as soon as we pulled up by the lake the first thing my niece and nephew saw were the paddle boats. There was even a purple sparkly boat and my niece was obsessed. They both really wanted to go boating. It’s all they talked about during our picnic and as I put the food away I was wrestling with myself. I dreaded the idea of going out on the lake, but the only reason I had to say no was my fear, and that didn’t feel fair to them. I wanted to create this fun memory with them, so I took a deep breath, said a prayer to myself, and told them we were going boating. I was facing my fear, although I was ironically stepping into a boat rather than out of one like Peter.
To my surprise, it ended up being a fun afternoon on the water. We had bought duck food on the dock and my niece and nephew couldn’t stop laughing as the ducks chased us around the lake. They took turns steering the paddle boat and we explored every inch of the water. They had a blast and they talked about it all the way home. And while I had still been nervous, I was proud of myself for facing my fear. I could hear Jesus saying, See what good things can happen when you face your fears?
We all have moments in life when we have to metaphorically choose whether or not we will step out of the boat. The boat is our comfort zone, the things and rhythms we are used to, and there are moments when we must decide: will we take that next step, take that risk, or will we stay in the boat? There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with staying in the boat—the familiar is often comforting and safe and sometimes that is where we need to be—but growth as a person and in faith often comes about best when we are living and facing the things outside our comfort zone.
I think, for example, about a kid going off to college or moving out for the first time. The time is both exciting and a little scary, but it is the beginning of a new chapter, stepping out of the familiar and looking to what’s next. There will be challenges along the way, but on this new adventure they will meet new people, learn new skills, and grow as a person. It is a formative experience for them to step outside of the boat. In fact, there are all kinds of these formative “stepping out of the boat moments” in life—getting married, taking a new job, moving to a new city, and so on. These times can be exciting and scary and stressful and wonderful all at the same time, but they always involve taking a risk and having faith to step out into something new and uncertain.
There are other times, however, when our familiar boat is no longer a good option. We might realize that what is familiar to us is no longer healthy or life-giving—things like an unhealthy relationship, a bad habit, or the negative beliefs we have held about ourselves. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to step out of the boat and into something new, as intimidating as that may be. Maybe we have wanted to step out of the boat and make a change for a long time but didn’t know how.
And still other times, we may be happily riding along in our boat when a storm comes along and messes things up. Thinking about Peter and the disciples in their boat during the wind storm, what if their boat had hit a rock and got a hole in it or began to sink? It would no longer be suitable and their best chance would be to abandon the boat and swim. Or, thinking about the wind and choppy waters, what if the boat had capsized? Then they would be forced out of the boat.
Well, sometimes life comes along and capsizes our boat, and sometimes we are forced out of our familiar—the unexpected death of a loved one, a divorce, a medical diagnosis, a lost job. Sometimes despite our best efforts we find ourselves thrown out of our boat and treading water. So what do we do?
Whether you find yourself stepping out of your boat by choice or by life’s circumstances, the good news is that Jesus is already standing outside of the boat. He is already out there in the uncertain to meet us. Jesus isn’t afraid to be out in the uncertain waters, in fact, Jesus in our lifeguard, our reassuring presence. As Jesus reached out to Peter when he began to sink, Jesus will not let you drown when you step out of the boat. Jesus will grab hold of you, lift you up, and reassure you saying, Don’t let your fear hold you back, for I am here with you.
Today is my last day at Faith-Lilac Way, and I will be stepping out of my safe and comfortable boat of internship. I have loved FLW and I have felt loved and supported during my time here. I have enjoyed our time and ministry together, but now it is time for me to go. God is calling me out of the boat and sending me into something new. I don’t know where I will be going yet, but I know God is with me in the waters and will get me to what is next.
And the same is true for you. When you reach one of those moments in life when it is your time to step out of the boat, you can do so knowing that God is already there. And more than that, you can be reassured that God is faithful and God has good things in store for you. Sometimes to reach those good things we must step into the uncertainty or face fears. It isn’t always easy, but who knows, when you step out of the boat you might just experience something wonderful. Thanks be to God. Amen.