Peter probably thought he was being generous when he asked Jesus, “How many times should I forgive someone? Seven times?” Seven is one of those Biblical numbers – the number of days of creation after all. But when Jesus said, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times,” Peter doesn’t say a word. His jaw was probably on the floor.
Then Jesus tells a complicated parable comparing the kingdom of heaven to a story about giving and withholding forgiveness. Clearly, Jesus is advocating for us to forgive just as God has forgiven us. For Jesus knows – and if we are honest, we know too, we are all in need of forgiveness both for what we have done – and for what we have left un-done. We need forgiveness both from God – and our neighbor.
This is why we begin our worship almost every week with a word of confession and forgiveness. The good news that we hear every week is that God forgives us --every time. Why? Because God loves you.
The challenge that we are given – is that Jesus wants us to extend that same kind of generous forgiveness that God gives us so freely – to those who need forgiveness from us.
Some people and situations are easy to forgive. Someone steps on your toe and says “I’m sorry” right away – and you forgive them. Even if the toe still hurts. But sometimes we are faced with deeper hurts; losses that cannot be repaired. “How can you forgive when someone does something terrible to you – or to someone you love?
Joseph shows up as an example of someone who did just that. Even though his brothers threw him in the pit and then sold him into slavery, and told lies to their father about his death, he forgave them. For Joseph was able to see that he was a beloved child of God and that God was with him through it all. And, he was able to see how God worked in his life to create good where evil had been intended. Joseph credited God with putting him in a place where he was able to save his whole family from famine. And so Joseph forgave his brothers – not because what they did was ok – but because God’s love and care made his life meaningful. Joseph realized that because he had received grace and love from God, he could extend that gift of love and grace and forgiveness to his brothers - and in the process, he could restore community for himself and his whole family.
In the parable that Jesus told, the forgiven debtor had the chance to extend the grace and forgiveness that he had received to his debtor. But he did not. The result is pretty violent as he gets thrown back into prison. I think the point that Jesus is making is that God cares – on heaven and on earth – how we treat our neighbor. Jesus urges us to forgive our neighbor just as God has forgiven us. For forgiveness is a gift of love.
And yet… what if the victim of a crime is not ready to forgive her offender? Is the victim supposed to keep forgiving his abuser? What if the abuser has not repented or changed his or her ways?
In the Cherish All Children devotion this week, Deacon Erica Larson wrote, “Expecting an abuse survivor to forgive and reconcile with their abuser is tantamount to spiritual abuse; and steps towards healing require a thoughtful, careful approach.”1 In other words, you can’t force someone else to forgive. I would also add that for healing and forgiveness to occur, the abuse must stop. And even when it does…sometimes forgiveness and reconciliation take time.
However, even in these situations, Jesus’ call for forgiveness is a call for healing, hope and change. As poet and author Morgan Richard Olivier writes, “Forgiveness does not mean that what they did was ever acceptable then or now. Forgiveness does not mean that you will allow that person back into your life or that you ever should. Forgiveness means that you are releasing the feelings of resentment or bitterness associated with that person or situation. You are no longer allowing it to have power over you. You are moving forward for yourself and not taking the baggage of others or their offenses with you.”2
The Truth and Reconciliation process in South Africa, revealed an incredible number of horrible acts of cruelty. And yet, Bishop Tutu urged those who had been hurt to embrace forgiveness as a gift of love for themselves and one that they could extend to someone else. In The Book of Joy, Tutu writes, “Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound to the chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us, that person will hold the keys to our happiness, that person will be our jailer. When we forgive, we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberator.” 3
Forgiveness can be an important part of healing not only for the one who committed the offense but also for the one who was hurt and for their family, friends and loved ones.
Chris Singleton was a college sophomore and a minor league baseball player drafted by the Chicago Cubs on the night that his mother, Sharonda, was at a Bible study at Emmanuel church in Charlottesville. She, along with eight other Christians were murdered. That event changed Chris’ life.
Singleton said. "It feels like it was yesterday, but I call it the unthinkable adversity. Losing my mom in a racially motivated mass shooting on June 17, 2015, has sparked me to do what I do now.”
24 hours after the shooting Chris gave a speech, and today, he is still speaking all over the country, especially to youth in high schools and colleges. But Chris said, the message has remained the same: “It's that love is stronger than hate so the way that we come together is by loving one another not throwing bricks of hatred at one another.”
When asked about forgiveness, Chris said, "Forgiveness is a superpower…"Although I do hope that one day he -the shooter- repents and gives his life to the Lord, for me … I have been able to move forward with my life and be a great husband and a great dad and now share this message because of the power of forgiveness."
This is the power of forgiveness: God forgives us freely as an act of love. And, God empowers us to forgive – as God forgave us. At times this can be hard. But as Chris Singleton explained, he felt called to forgive so that he could move forward with his life and with his mission.
This is the message for us too. As followers of Jesus, we have this opportunity to live into a kingdom world, the world that Jesus wants for us. Every Sunday when we confess our sins and the ways that we fall short you receive God’s gift of love and forgiveness and promise of healing and wholeness.
We also are given the challenge to ask for forgiveness from those who we may have wronged and the opportunity to extend the gift of forgiveness as a gift of love to those who have wronged us. And when we do this – we are all set free. Thanks be to God. Amen.
1Cherish All Children devotion by Deacon Erica Larson, Director of Children, Youth and Family Ministry at Transfiguration Lutheran Church, Bloomington, MN.
2Morgan Richard Olivier, The Tears That Taught Me, Oak Agencies, 2022.
3Arch Bishop Tutu p. 234 Book of Joy.
4 https://www.chrissingleton.com/chris-story; https://www.wyff4.com/article/son-of-charleston-church-shooting-victim-speaks-about-racism-and-adversity-in-hopes-to-inspire-others/29314018