Gratitude
One stopped. Ten men with leprosy – a dreaded and extremely contagious skin disease - had begged Jesus for healing. Jesus told them all to go to show themselves to the priests. They lost no time – all of them headed straight to the priests. And as they were walking or maybe running – toward the priests with the hope and dream of being made clean and being restored to community… one stopped. He looked and saw that he was healed and then turned back praising God and when he got to Jesus, threw himself at his feet and thanked him.
Jesus asks, “Were not ten made clean? So where are the other nine?”
It’s a fair question. “Where were the other nine?” Why didn’t they turn back to say “thank you?” Perhaps they were just following Jesus’ instructions. After all, Jesus did tell them to go to the priests. But Jesus was a teacher – and so I think that Jesus asks the question – not out of righteous indignation – but rather to teach his followers – which of course includes us – something about gratitude and the power of saying “thank you.”
Most people consider themselves grateful people – they say thank you or write a thank you note when someone does something nice for them or gives them a gift. But not everyone practices gratitude as a part of their everyday life.
Theologian, historian and author Diana Butler Bass, confesses that she decided to write about gratitude because she didn’t know how to write a thank you note. Every time she sat down to write one, she heard her mother’s voice nagging her to do so – but she didn’t feel grateful. She felt obligated. She didn’t like thinking of herself as an ingrate but she didn’t know how to make herself more grateful. This desire to be more grateful led her on a journey to explore gratefulness and why it matters both for our personal lives and for our community.
One of the things that she learned is that while, according to a Pew research study, 78 percent of Americans felt a strong sense of gratitude, another study found that Americans were more anxious, less optimistic and more distrustful than ever, and full of anger, fear, division and intolerance. 1 She wondered how people could be personally grateful but not have that same sense of thanksgiving when it came to our life as a society. She writes that, as a society, “We are anxious and angry because we are haunted by nightmares of scarcity… fears that someone else is taking everything, that there is never enough and that we will never get what we think we deserve…[ This fear leads to] cravings for things we think will fill us, fix us, or make us forget our doubts and pain.” This leads to all sorts of addictive behaviors with money, food, hoarding, drugs and violence. This “gratitude gap” between how we feel in our personal lives vs how we feel about our community leads to what she calls a “toxic habitat of ingratitude.” 2
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. And you and I can change it… one person at a time. The solution – according to brother David Steindl-Rast – is simple because all people want the same thing. We want to be happy. We want our children and our loved ones to be happy. It is natural to assume that when you are happy then you will be grateful. But it doesn’t work that way. A person can be happy when receiving an ice cream cone or a promotion or winning the lottery. But that doesn’t make them grateful. And, I know and I’m sure you know people who have experienced incredible loss and misfortune and sadness, and yet remain grateful people. So how do we become happy? Brother David tells us that it turns out that “it is not happiness that makes us grateful” but “gratefulness that makes us happy”.3
Brother David says that all we need to do is what we were taught as children when crossing a street: STOP, LOOK and GO. This is exactly what the healed Samaritan does. He stops when he looks and sees that he is healed. And then he goes to Jesus to give thanks.
We can do the same thing. Each day we can stop and notice the gifts that we have been given. And we have been given much! Not only have we been given the gifts of creation – the world and all that is in it, but we have each been given gifts of talents, of time, of treasures, of one another. And you know this – last month when the stewardship committee asked you where you saw abundance, the list was long and varied – gifts of family, friends, relationships, gifts of skills and talents. I know that there are people here who have a variety of gifts and talents from making music to teaching to technical or electronic or administrative or wood work to baking and breaking bread together. The list could go on.
In addition, Brother David reminds us that for all of us, every day, every moment, we receive something valuable to us that is freely given, a real gift. We didn’t buy it, we didn’t do something in exchange for it, it does not cost us anything – all we need to do is simply receive this gift. This precious gift is a gift from God – and that is the gift of each moment.4
And so, if we are to follow Brother David’s method for becoming more grateful, then we need to: Stop – and acknowledge the gift. And then, Look. For once we acknowledge and notice that each and every moment we have is a gift – then we have an opportunity to do something with that moment. This opportunity is the gift within the gift. We only miss the opportunity when we rush through life – when we are so focused on the next thing that we don’t take time to stop and look and acknowledge the gifts that we have been given.
We have been given so much that sometimes we take for granted all the gifts that we have been given. Brother David tells the story of spending time in a poor part of Africa. When he returned, he was struck by the gift of clean water that came out of his faucets and the light that came on with a switch. So, to remind himself to be grateful, he put post-its with stop signs on all of his faucets and light switches reminding himself to stop and acknowledge the ordinary gift of water and light.
We have been given so much. But sometimes we don’t want to think about ourselves as on the receiving end. Many of you, like me, have been taught, it is better to give than to receive. This phrase is biblical – it is good for us to give and to seek to give to others. And it makes us feel good. However…as Americans, we often harbor this image of ourselves as a “self-made man” or woman. We want to see ourselves as self- sufficient. We want to be the helpers and “they” are the receivers.
Jason, a 40-something pastor was diagnosed and treated for a rare and incurable cancer. The people in his parish responded with food, prayers and care. Jason and his family appreciated all the help. When he had a break in his treatment schedule, he preached a thanksgiving sermon to his congregation. He said, “You have done so much for us. You’ve fed us, prayed for us and with us. You helped with my medical bills, you sat with me in the hospital, you were there to catch me when I passed out in the chemo room” But Jason also admitted that even while he appreciated all that care, he actually hated being on the receiving end of all the help. He said, “I hate feeling like I’m in another’s debt… I was the guy who kept score which means I didn’t mind you being in my debt. I just didn’t want to be in yours.”
But Jason learned not only to receive the gift, he also learned that courage and hope and strength and healing came through community. He said, Thank you. Thank you for being “with me, with us. More so than all the stuff you’ve done for us, you’ve been with us.” 5
Despite his cancer – which was incurable -- Jason learned to not only receive the gift of the food, funds and travel expenses but also the gift of community – of others praying and being with him and his family. And then he was able to respond – his “GO” was to thank them, to respond with gratitude for the gifts of time and treasures and especially for the gift of their presence and participation in his life and for their community.
Once we start to see every moment in our lives in this way, we can, as Brother David says, “Stop. Look. And GO” and act in response to the gifts we have received. However, while every moment is a gift, this does not mean we should give thanks for everything.
There is a Bible verse from 1st Thessalonians on gratitude which reads, “In everything give thanks” Diana Butler Bass writes that this verse is often misquoted. “It does not say “For everything give thanks.’ Gratitude never calls us to give thanks for anything that is evil or unjust, never for violence, lying, oppression or suffering. Do not be grateful for these things.”
Instead, she writes, “To know the mystery of life is to be grateful IN all things, In all things, WITH all things, THROUGH all things.” This is how people who live lives of gratitude can be grateful even when situations in their life become difficult, painful or challenging. She continues saying, “Ultimately gratitude is a place – perhaps the place – where we find our truest and best selves.” 6
So how do we become more grateful? There are lots of ways and gratitude practices that you can try. You could try, for example, to simply keep a gratitude journal – and write down one thing one thing each day for which you are grateful. I read about one woman who took a “gratitude picture” each day – as a reminder to be grateful. You can try Brother David’s method of “Stop. Look. Go.” None of them are magic. It takes work, and intention to pay attention. But I encourage you – and myself – to try one of these ideas this Thanksgiving season.
I was actually most struck by a story that I heard by Brian Doyle. He was an 18 year old who was simply enjoying a night with friends driving down the highway when he noticed a car flashing its lights at him. He didn’t know why they were doing that – but then he saw. A car was coming straight at him – down his lane. He quickly veered off onto the side of the road as the car sped past him – in his lane. That moment shook him up. It was Thanksgiving week and he was happy to see all of the Thanksgiving notes on his social media feed. But then he thought, why should Thanksgiving be only one day? And he made a pledge to thank someone – not half-heartedly or out of obligation but to take the time to stop, to notice what someone else had done for him, the gift that they had given him of their time, their mentorship or their friendship. And he was amazed at the results. After thanking his friends first, he became more comfortable and started to seek out people to thank. One day he saw a former classmate Dave walking across the street with his mother. They weren’t close friends –but Brian remembered him because the boy had Aspergers and had many challenges but had not let Aspergers define him. So Brian called him over and told him “Thank you for being who you are – you have helped me live up to who I am because I have thought of your example.” He could see Dave’s mother crying in the background and he realized that probably no one had ever thanked Dave for that before.7
Gratitude makes a difference both in our lives and in the lives of others. In fact, gratitude just may be contagious - and that’s a good thing. 8
Brothers and sisters in Christ, thank you for reading/listening today. I thank God for you and for the gift of this time – this day – and God’s presence with us. And I pray that you will be filled with gratitude and that gratitude will fill you with JOY! In Jesus’ name, Amen.
November 24, 2024 + Faith-Lilac Way + Pastor Pam Stalheim Lane
1Butler Bass, Grateful: The Transformative Power of Giving Thanks prologue p XVII
2 Ibid p XViii
3Ted Talk Brother David Steindl-Rast
4 Ibid
5 Grateful, p 98-99
6 Ibid., p 193
7 Ted Talk Brian Doyle
8 Grateful p. 105