“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s a lie. I know that now. But when I first encountered this defiant phrase as a child, I thought that it was brilliant – as if I could somehow protect myself from hurtful words just by declaring myself immune.
But words can hurt – more than sticks and stones. AND, words can also help and heal and make oneself – and the other person - whole. As James said, words can bless and words can curse. Words matter.
James has a special warning for teachers. I’ll confess that in the past, when this reading came up during Sunday school teacher recruitment time, I did not highlight this text. But James wants teachers – especially teachers of faith – and that refers to pastors, and parents and grandparents and all who teach by what they say and by what they do. And that, frankly, is all of us - because others – especially children – are listening.
Years ago when I worked at another church, I heard an angry commotion and a voice spewing out an incredible string of obscenities, the like of which I had never heard before. When I opened the door, there was a little girl, about three years old, kicking and screaming obscenities while a patient preschool teacher was standing between her and the other children. Later, the preschool teacher said to me with a sad sigh, “these are the only words that this little girl knows to express herself when she is angry. We are working on teaching her other words and ways of communicating.”
Children repeat what they hear. And so do we. The language and the music that you listen to; the shows that you watch; the podcasts that you hear don’t just come in one ear and go out the other. They influence you – maybe not directly – but sometimes on your tongue or in your heart. This happens without our even realizing it.
The tongue is a small part of our body. But it is powerful. As James points out, a bridle can control a horse, a small rudder directs a ship, with one small match we can light a raging fire. We can control all of these things. But can we control our tongues?
Think for a minute: What words do you speak – to a little baby? We coo and oo. But what words do you speak when you are driving during rush hour? When speaking with friends? When you speak on social media? What words do you speak to yourself after you have said or done something that you wish you could “take back”?
Sometimes the inner words that we speak are the harshest of all. If you are at all like me, I can beat myself up with a no-holds barred tongue lashing. But just as a bridle that doesn’t fit well in a horse will cause the horse to act up – so too, if the words of our heart, if our inner dialogue is not kind, it will come out sideways.
James acknowledges that everyone makes mistakes -- there is grace here. The little girl with a foul vocabulary was blessed to be enrolled in a preschool with a loving, patient, Christian teacher who took the time to teach this little girl another way. And I’ve been learning, over the years, that it is not good for my heart or my life or those around me to withhold grace and forgiveness from others – or from myself. How about you?
Can you give grace to others for the words that were said to you – when someone else wasn’t having their best day or were not his or her best self? Can you forgive a loved one for words that were left unsaid? Words like “I love you. I forgive you. I’m sorry.” These little words are not hard to pronounce. But sometimes they are hard to say. Maybe we need to practice them more.
I know that my grandmother wished that she had. My paternal grandparents were very kind to me and my sisters. We always went to their house after school while my mother finished her work. But they fought terribly – in Norwegian – with one another so I didn’t know what they were saying. But I heard the tone and I am kind of glad that I didn’t know the words. After her husband died, she asked my mother, “Do you think he knew that I loved him?”
Of course, my mother assured her that he did. But the point is – why not say the words yourself – while you can? After all… what did God make your mouth for? To curse or to bless?
As James reminds us – “All of us make many mistakes”. We aren’t always our best selves. We all say things that we regret. So the next question is: Can you give grace to yourself? Those words of forgiveness need to be received as well as spoken.
Words matter. For words are the way we communicate with one another. But, like the three year old girl, how can anyone proclaim blessings and not curses – if they/ we have not been taught? So… despite the warning from James for teachers, we need teachers, we need to teach one another.
There is an ancient Jewish saying, “May you be covered in the dust of your rabbi.”1 This is what Jesus was inviting his disciples to do – to follow him so closely on the dusty roads that he traveled that they may learn from him. He invites them to not only speak the words that Jesus speaks and act the way that Jesus acts but to become like Jesus.
Jesus’ invitation to the disciples – and us -- sounds challenging – to deny themselves and to take up their cross - and it is – but it is also a promise of life. For taking up your cross does not mean putting up with abuse or an irritating person or assuming you have to take on hardship or suffering because it is “your cross to bear.” Instead, taking up your cross means surrendering your will to Christ’s will. But this is not a harsh enlistment in a dictator’s army. Instead, this means entrusting all that you love – your family, your friends, your ambitions, your dreams, your talents and your future – to Jesus. Asking Jesus to direct your words and your life. After all – what or who wouldn’t you trust to Jesus?
Trusting Jesus means living in the way and walking in the way of Jesus and speaking with one another as Jesus speaks. And this is life- GIVING. It is not a requirement. But as Jesus said to the disciples, “What will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life?”
Jesus asks you: Who do YOU say that I am? And then Jesus invites you, “Come and follow Me” and learn. The roads outside our church and outside your home are not so dusty – unless they happen to be doing road construction. But the invitation to follow is for YOU. And the gift that Jesus gives is life.
We call the way that we practice following Jesus, “faith practices.” For just as my arms and legs don’t get any stronger by looking at the weights and exercise equipment, we don’t get stronger in our faith by just setting a Bible on a coffee table. So let’s practice speaking the words of Jesus and following in the way of Jesus. Here are a few ideas:
· Worship God – as you are doing right now.
· Study the word of God together. You can do this on your own – and there are many good ways to do this – but I say “together” because as a Christian community we can help one another to stay true to God’s word when we study together. We have some new opportunity to do this on Tuesday nights online and Wednesday mornings here.
· Sing – and let the songs that you sing be filled with words that uplift and don’t tear down. May the music in your heart, the song that runs through your head in the middle of the day – be a song that uplifts and draws you closer to the way of Jesus.
· Pray. It can be the Lord’s prayer or your own – but prayer is an excellent building block practice for growing in faith – even if it feels like nothing is happening.
· Be thoughtful about your words – because words matter. The Psalmist said it well in Psalm 19: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” Amen – it is so. And let the church say Amen.
1https://ourrabbijesus.com/covered-in-the-dust-of-your-rabbi-an-urban-legend/