Forgiveness. We all want to be forgiven. But forgiving someone else – from the heart - especially for a deep hurt – that’s harder.
Last fall, a young black man named Brandt Jean sat on the witness stand speaking to the former police officer, Amber Guyger, who was convicted of murdering his brother Bothem. Amber had entered Bothem’s apartment, thinking it was her own, and seeing him, she thought he was an intruder, and shot him on the spot. At her trial, Brant was to testify to the personal hurt and loss and the damage that she caused by killing his brother. But instead, Brandt said, “speaking for myself, I forgive and love you just as any other person.” He invited her to give her life to Christ who would also forgive her. He that that this is what his brother would have wanted too. He then asked the judge permission to give her a hug, which the judge granted. I’ve included the link to the clip from the Dallas courtroom. If you haven’t seen it, it is worth watching. 1
Forgiveness of such a horrible crime amazes me not only because it is unusual but also because it feels like it goes against our natural instincts. When hurt, we have a right to be angry. We want justice. We want to hold the person accountable. We want someone to pay. But, in time, for our own sake, we also need to be able to come to a place of peace and, hopefully, forgiveness.
The Amish understand the importance of forgiveness. Remember the story of the Amish people who not only forgave the man who shot their daughters in their schoolhouse but also befriended his parents? Steven Nolt, a professor of Amish studies, said that most people work through grief and pain – and then comes acceptance and perhaps forgiveness. However, the Amish have a practice of forgiving first. They still have to work through their grief and pain, but they start from a different place. They start from a faith practice of forgiveness. 2
Jonas Beiler, an Amish family counselor said, "Tragedy changes you. You can't stay the same… Where that lands you don't always know. But what I found out, in my own experience, if you bring what little pieces you have left to God, he somehow helps you make good out of it.” 3
It was because of his faith that Brandt Jean was able to forgive Amber, the white former police officer who killed his brother. But, he wisely did not offer forgiveness from anyone else in his family. It was only from himself, from his heart. For forgiveness can’t be mandated or given on behalf of anyone else.
Brandt Jean received praise for his gracious word of forgiveness, But, as Bernice King, the youngest daughter of Coretta Scott King and Martin Luther King Jr. said, “don't confuse his forgiveness with absolving this nation for its gross, bitter discrimination against Black people in a myriad of its systems and policies.”4 She’s right. As a country, we still have a problem with racism and it is not going to be solved by the families of victims simply forgiving those who hurt them. Forgiveness opens the door for reconciliation. It does not condone or excuse the harm that was done.
Forgiveness is an act of grace towards someone who has harmed or hurt you in some way. And, as much as it is a gift to another, it can also help in your own healing. As Brandt’s mother Allison said, "I'm proud of you my son, Brandt. Your load is lighter… Forgiveness is for the forgiver and it doesn't matter what the forgiven does with it." 3She’s right. Forgiveness, by itself, does not change the one who is forgiven.
We see this in Jesus’ story. The king forgave the slave who begged for mercy. That slave owed an incredible amount. There was no way that he or his children or even his children’s children would ever be able to repay it. But, instead of responding with mercy and forgiveness as he had been forgiven, he chose to use his power against the one who owed him just a small sum.
Jesus’ story begs the question, “How could someone who had been forgiven so much – not turn around and forgive someone else who owed him so little?”
Indeed, that’s the question for us too, isn’t it? We – you and I – have been forgiven ALL of the times in which we have not been the people God made us to be. Jesus forgives us for the times in which we put our own selfish wants and desires above loving God and above caring for God’s creation, including our neighbors, our family, and the world around us. Speaking for myself, how can I, who have been forgiven so much, so many times, NOT forgive others?
And yet, forgiveness does not always come easily.
I’ve noticed that the pandemic has put additional stress on everyone. And it is starting to show. For example, the other day the manager of a grocery store came out and yelled at a bunch of kids. She would have never done that in “normal times.” In another store, one shopper snarkily chided another for not properly wearing her mask. In this time of the pandemic, it seems to me that a lot of people need to, as the Romans text scripture reminds us, “mind your own knitting.” Finally, it may be me, but it seems as if there is a lot of very fast and unsafe driving lately. Frankly, I think people are all just a little frayed at the edges and the stress and anxiety of these times is simply coming out sideways.
So how can we begin to reclaim and live into the gracious life that Jesus calls us into?
Maybe it begins with silently forgiving the little microaggressions that we encounter on the highway or in the grocery story. Or maybe it begins by paying attention to and remembering some of the many times that we have received forgiveness.
For example, this chair is a reminder to me of forgiveness. The needlepoint work was made by my mother a long time ago when I was a little girl. She worked on it for years and was so proud when she finally finished it.
Shortly after she completed it, for some reason, I took a glass of grape juice into our living room and sat down in this chair. Now we were never allowed to bring food or beverages of any kind into the living room, so why I was doing this, I don’t know. But I do remember that just as I sat down, I slipped, and the entire glass of grape juice fell onto the chair. And not in one spot. It went all over. I was horrified. And so was my mother. She was also really angry. But… despite her anger, she forgave me.
To this day, I don’t know how she got the stain out of it – but I can tell you this: It was an answer to prayer.
Brothers and sisters, friends in Christ, we are all forgiven sinners. Like the slave in the Gospel, we too have been forgiven far more than we could ever repay. So let our song be that God would mold us and form us and shape us so that we can lived grace – filled lives, in imitation of God: slow to anger and quick to forgive. We pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.
1Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=4&v=vYsMlKCa9EQ&feature=emb_logo
2. NPR Mpr News Amish Forgive School Shooter, Struggle with Grief https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14900930
3. https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/lifestyle/how-amish-community-forgave-murderer-s-mother-a7343341.html
4 https://www.npr.org/2019/10/03/766866875/brandt-jeans-act-of-grace-toward-his-brother-s-killer-sparks-a-debate-over-forgi