Do you read the comics? In a recent Calvin and Hobbs comic, Calvin “kidnapped” his neighbor Suzie’s doll. Suzie was outraged…much to the amusement of Calvin. But then… Suzie grabbed Calvin’s stuffed tiger, “Hobbs” and ran into her house and locked the door. Now Calvin was outraged. He complains, “So I kidnapped her stupid doll. She didn’t need to retaliate! Can’t she take a joke? Girls have No sense of humor. That’s their whole problem! And then he says…All this was funny until she did the same thing to me….”
Retaliation. Revenge. Conflict. You probably have been living alone on a deserted island if you have never experienced conflict. But even then… did you hear about the man who was rescued from a deserted island? He proudly showed the crew that found him his house and even the church that he had built. But one of the crew noticed another building. He asked the man, what’s that? Oh, the man replied, “that’s the other church. I never go there.”
In our Gospel, Jesus speaks about conflict – especially church conflict. Most of us, including me, don’t like to talk about conflict. We would rather avoid it altogether. Why borrow trouble? After all… our world seems to be full of conflict already – one group calling out another, wanting to “cancel” each other’s voices. The news and social media are full of angry voices confronting the “other side,” one side vilifying another. And yet, as I read and studied in preparation for today, I realized that Matthew’s community may not have been that much different from ours. That community was also steeped in conflict – the issues were different but the pain and strife was the same.
It is to a hurting community, a torn community, that Matthew writes the story of Jesus in his Gospel. Just prior to today’s lesson, Matthew shares the story of Jesus lifting up the vulnerable, calling children to him and reminding his readers and us that the good shepherd goes and leaves the 99 sheep in order to find and restore the one sheep who was lost. So keep the image of the children in Jesus’ arms and the good shepherd seeking the lost in the back of your mind as you hear today’s lesson of confronting those who have done wrong. The goal is not to shame another child of God or to hold anyone up for ridicule. The goal is that even the lost, or the one who has hurt us or the one who has done wrong may be restored into Christian community. And that is the story that we need to hear in our world today.
Instead, Jesus is calling for conversation. Notice how many times Jesus invites listening – first speak directly to the one who you think need correction. Then, if you aren’t listened to, invite others. If the person still doesn’t listen, then invite the whole church. If they still won’t listen, then “let them be as tax collectors and sinners.” That’s confusing because Jesus spent a lot of time with “tax collectors and sinners” AND he just got done talking about the Good Shepherd who looks for the lost sheep – which would include “tax collectors and sinners” AND this passage leads into another about forgiveness. So, what is the church to do? Well…before making judgments, what if we stopped and took our time with the invitation to listen.
Pastor Ryan was struggling in his new congregation. Actually he loved his congregation - except for one person. I’ll call her Sarah. Every time Pastor Ryan suggested a new course of action for the church, Sarah opposed it. Every time she suggested something, Pastor Ryan shot it down. Their conflict started to get entrenched and people started choosing sides. Finally, Sarah had had enough. She went to the Bishop and complained about Pastor Ryan. The Bishop called Pastor Ryan – and he complained about Sarah. The Bishop, being wise, called them together. He invited each of them to tell the other what they wanted for the church. And then he made the listener repeat back what they had heard. The Bishop would ask the first person – “Is that right? Is that what you meant?” If not, they had to try it again. Back and forth – listening, repeating, listening some more. Pastor Ryan said that, by the end of the conversation, they both realized that they had said some hurtful things to one another for which they needed to ask forgiveness. But they also realized that, while they had different visions, there was some room for overlap between their visions and that maybe they could even build the community – together. 1
The goal of confronting someone with the truth is not to put them down. It’s not about winning the argument or proving that you are right. As professor and theologian Michael Chan writes, “Confrontation is a necessary companion on the road of reconciliation. But when confrontation does occur it should be done in a way that invites reconciliation among the interested parties, all of whom stand condemned and forgiven at the cross.”2
In other words, when there is a conflict within the church because someone has done something to hurt another or one person seeks to correct another, it is important to tell the truth – and – telling the truth must be done with the goal of reconciliation, restoring the community.
As Pastor Ryan and Sarah found, it may have just as much to do with listening as it does with talking. They also discovered that, while at first they did not like one another much at all, they both took the risk to be vulnerable enough to speak and listen to the truth with open hearts, open minds and with open ears of love. As a result, they were able to do so much more together than they ever could have when they were fighting each other. The surprise blessing was that, in the end, they became friends.
All relationships don’t have this happy ending. There are times that… at least on this earth… speaking the truth does not result in reconciliation. There are times that the one who sinned – the one who hurt you, the one you are trying to correct – does not want to change. And there are times that relationships need to be severed. Sometimes that’s the most loving thing to do. As a wise counselor once told me, you break up with everyone that you don’t marry. Sometimes relationships change – and need to change or end in order for other relationships to begin.
The challenge for us as a Christian community is to speak the truth in such a way that everyone can hear it, receive it, be convicted by it and be restored to community. This is not easy. And sometimes we will fail because, after all… we are all sinners. We areallsinners.
But… the good news is that even when we can’t agree, even when we or someone else won’t listen, Jesus promises to be with us, saying “for when two or more are gathered in my name, I am with you.” This is the real blessing that comes from this scripture. For Jesus, the one who came as “God WITH Us” is still with us, and promises to alwaysbe with us. And that, brothers and sisters in Christ, is Good News. Thanks be to God.
1https://asermonforeverysunday.com/sermons/a41-the-fourteenth-sunday-after-pentecost-year-a-2020/by Rev. Ryan Ahlgrim
2https://www.workingpreacher.org/craft.aspx?post=5453 by Rev. Dr. Michael Chan